Moving on after a break-up can be grueling. And let’s face it, it’s nothing like how movies and TV shows portray it. The heartache can seem endless with no light in sight.
It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or let down, but it’s equally important to remember that things will get better. There is always a ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel.
You will get over the relationship, but it will take time, effort, patience, and support. To help make the transition easier, we’ve created THE break-up guide to help you through your grieving process and help make the process of moving on a tad easier.
Avoid A Rebound
Being in a relationship can feel like all sunshine and rainbows, but it is not your only shot at happiness. Remember, the onus of your happiness does not lie with a significant other. Your happiness is always in your hands.
So, instead of looking for a rebound that may offer a temporary distraction, take a break from dating and focus on processing the break-up. It will also help you determine what went wrong in your relationship, what you can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again, and whether you need to work on any aspects of yourself.
Some changes, admittedly, can be good.
Surround Yourself With A Good Support System
It’s easy to shut everybody out to prevent reliving the hurt, pain, and other negative emotions brought on by the break-up. You may be embarrassed or anxious about “burdening” others with your troubles, but is it a burden if your friends and family would jump at the first chance of helping you? Absolutely not.
Getting the support you need will help you get a different perspective on the situation, get your mind off things, and even help you bounce back from the hurt safely and effectively.
Take a Break From Social Media
Sometimes, social media can act as an outlet. When you find yourself struggling to move past the hurt and see your ex enjoying their life — a life without you — you may feel tempted to try revenge-posting to get even. You may even go full Sherlock Holmes on their online activity and start keeping tabs on them.
But will that help you? No. It will only make you hurt for longer. We all know that’s not healthy behavior.
The next time you have the urge to snoop, go ahead and block, unfriend, and delete your ex from all your social media accounts. If the urge persists, log out immediately. Spend that time catching up with your friends or try volunteering for a cause. You’ll be surprised by just how big a difference that can make.
Don’t Turn to Alcohol
Avoid using alcohol and drugs as coping strategies. They’re not only bad for your health, but they may also open you up to additional risks. If you find yourself tempted to use these substances, spend extra time in the gym and monitor what you eat. That should serve as distraction enough.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
If your partner initiated the break-up, you might find yourself questioning your self-worth. But overanalyzing your relationship can cost you your self-esteem. From analyzing your traits and habits to picking your physical appearance apart, there’s no possibility you would shy away from exploring.
Here’s a tip — Don’t.
Spend this time to rebuild your self-esteem so you can start feeling confident and comfortable being single instead. Think about all the good things you brought to the relationship. If you have a hard time focusing on the good, get your family and friends involved. Surround yourself with people who remind you of all the amazing things that make you, you!
Be True to Yourself
We often tend to focus on the good while turning a blind eye to the bad.
“He won’t let me go anywhere without him because he cares too much about my safety and well-being.”
No, bestie, he’s controlling and borderline possessive. Accept that.
No relationship is perfect. There are always flaws, and if you ignore them, you run the risk of romanticizing a past that was never real.
The next time you find yourself reminiscing about the good memories you shared, think about the not-so-good times. Maybe your ex was controlling or negligent or made inconsiderate comments about your looks so you could look good on his arm. Or maybe he was none of these things, and yet the relationship never seemed right.
Keep it 100% real.
Don’t Wait For Closure
Romcoms have gloried “closure” like nobody’s business. If your significant other has failed to articulate why your relationship fell through, don’t force them to come up with a reason. Even if they do manage to give you a reason, there’s no guarantee that you’ll find it acceptable.
Don’t push back your healing process, waiting for something so intangible.
And whatever you do, don’t keep hooking up with them. You can’t expect yourself to move on while you’re still connected to them physically. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who can love you for all that you are and all that you’ll ever be.
Don’t ever settle for less by tweaking your self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem.
Understand That it Will Take Time
Some people process break-ups faster than others. It could be because they weren’t as invested in the relationship, have mastered the art of nonchalance, or have great support systems and coping mechanisms.
While we stan the quick move-on process, it’s important to understand that moving on does not conform to a one-size-fits-all time frame.
So if you find yourself struggling to cope, be patient. Take the good and bad days in stride and honor the process.
Know When You Need Help
Sometimes, the hurt and pain we are subjected to is far too heavy a cross for us to bear. The moment it starts impacting your mental health, seek professional help.
Talking to an unbiased person will play a significant role in helping you understand where you stand, how and why the break-up impacted you so drastically, and how to come to terms with it. The realization will serve as a better prompt to move on than a closure ever will.
Do things that make you happy. Be it reading your favorite book, getting a mani/pedi to relax, or doing something you find relaxing, soothing, and comforting.
Take a step ahead in your self-love journey and try to date yourself. No, really. Make yourself your priority.
Give yourself all your love, attention, and affection. Self-love wins always.
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Author: Keren Dinkin